| My wife has had breast cancer twice in the last 13 | | | | can not talk about those side effects. I understand |
| years and is a survivor, which I guess make me a | | | | they can be much worse. The x-rays kill the cancer |
| survivor as well. I want to try and help those who | | | | cells but also damage the body and make it difficult |
| are going through this ordeal with some guidance and | | | | for her to get much energy or fight off other |
| suggestions. | | | | illnesses. I remember the doctor telling us that she |
| First a little about us, we have been married since | | | | had to be careful because her immune system would |
| 1972 and are high school sweethearts. We have 4 | | | | be in shock for a while and it would be easier for her |
| great kids, all when we were younger and now 10 | | | | to pick up other illnesses that normally she would |
| beautiful grand children. My wife is my soul mate and | | | | fight off easily. Treatments are straight forward and |
| I am hers. Without her I am not sure what I would | | | | finite in period. Probably the easy part of the whole |
| do or how I would survive. She is in every sense a | | | | process. 10 weeks or so and it is all over with. |
| survivor. She is a secretary and has worked a good | | | | What you can do to ease the suffering |
| part of her life, except some time off for child rising. | | | | This is the hard part. Like I said before, I was |
| I am retired military, a database administrator and | | | | supposed to protect her so now to try and redeem |
| trainer. Neither of us smoke or drink except the | | | | myself. Waiting on her hand a foot would have been |
| occasional social drink on New Years. | | | | nice, but I working the first time and could not take |
| So as you can see we are fairly normal family now a | | | | time off, someone had to bring in the money and like |
| day. Except for the fact that she had cancer the | | | | a lot of people we were a two income family down |
| first time in her late 30s which is rare and again 2 | | | | to one income. |
| years ago. Each time she has had a partial | | | | Mood swings will be plenty. Just try to imagine a bad |
| mastectomy and radiation treatments. This time was | | | | sunburn for 10 weeks without let up. The constant |
| easier to handle then the first time. | | | | pain she was in I could see on her face. Treatments |
| What to expect | | | | to moisten the skin helped and we made sure to |
| I am sure each of you reading this want to know | | | | make it our time when we could talk and let each |
| what to expect. When will it get easier? When will | | | | other know what we were feeling. I know this is |
| both of you feel normal again. What is going to | | | | hard for men in general, but DO IT. She needs to |
| happen to her and you during the treatments? I will | | | | know you understand, you care, and you do not hold |
| try to explain. | | | | it against her. At this point be a man and talk to her. |
| From the moment we found out about the cancer, | | | | She needs you, and as much as you may not want |
| things did change. We were both very scared and | | | | to admit it you need her. I think talking was the one |
| unsure what the future will hold. Would the radiation | | | | thing that helped us through this whole ordeal. If |
| treatments work, would they be enough, what kind | | | | either one of us had kept to ourselves we would not |
| of scarring and disfigurement would there be. We | | | | have made it through. |
| had so many questions that we did not know what | | | | What you can do to ease your suffering |
| to ask or even who. The doctors were great; they | | | | She has a lot on her at this point in time, just the |
| put my wife at ease and did their best to prepare | | | | cancer word is enough to scare the crap out of you, |
| her for what was going to happen. Treatments went | | | | then surgery, treatments, recovery, financial stress, |
| well. In the beginning she was still able to work till | | | | stress on the marriage, kids, family and friends all |
| probably the 3rd week or so. Then she was tired | | | | seem to fall on her shoulders. You need to take |
| most of the time. I still remember feeling so bad, | | | | control and remove some of this stress on her, |
| here I was suppose to be protecting her, keeping | | | | which puts more stress on you. But hey, you're a |
| her safe and I could not do anything to prevent this | | | | man, you can handle it. And you're not the one with |
| or even lessen the suffering. Some of the | | | | cancer. |
| medications helped a little, but she was not herself. I | | | | Each of us has our own way of releasing tension. For |
| picked up on doing some of the housework, | | | | me it was sitting in a wooded area, having a good |
| watching the kids, cooking etc. But never felt like I | | | | cry and talking to nature (God) although I am not an |
| did enough. For her part, she stayed home after the | | | | overly religious person, it helped. You need to find a |
| 3rd week or so rested as much as possible. But the | | | | support system. Family or friends need to understand |
| treatments were everyday and each time she got | | | | you have a lot of stress on you as well. Find |
| more tired and sore. The soreness is like a bad | | | | someone to take the shift with the wife so you can |
| sunburn but for weeks it does not go away. | | | | unwind in what ever helps you. Maybe a hard |
| I remember putting cream on her after the | | | | workout at the gym, going for a walk, watching a |
| treatments to help ease the pain. After the radiation | | | | movie, going to the bar, what ever. Just make sure |
| treatments it takes a few weeks before the sunburn | | | | that she is taken care of for as long as it will take |
| disappears and a month or so before she was not as | | | | before you get back into the game. If you drink, do |
| tired. It was several months before the swelling went | | | | not take over until you are sober again. You need all |
| down, maybe a year before we could tell how much | | | | of your strength to help her, not add more stress to |
| different the breast size was going to be. My wife | | | | her life at this time. |
| went from a D cup to a B cup after the first | | | | Wrapping it up |
| surgery. It is still early but the mastectomy was not | | | | Well, I have rambled on long enough. Our life has |
| as large as the first time. | | | | been a lot stronger after the cancers than it ever |
| What will happen? | | | | was. We still talk to each other every night. We |
| The doctors will probably tell you what the treatment | | | | learned the signs of when something was wrong and |
| plan is. If you get a chance go with her to these | | | | initiated the conversations so that it does not brew |
| appointments. Work can wait and they should | | | | under the surface. I am happy to say WE survived, |
| understand. If you can afford it take family medical | | | | as individuals and most importantly as a couple. There |
| leave and stay home with her. | | | | are many support groups available now a days. Find |
| Radiation treatments are like a long x-ray. She will be | | | | one in your area before you start treatments if |
| placed in a mold to hold her body still and the x-ray | | | | possible and attend together. Listen to what others |
| will be targeted to the area of the cancer. This is | | | | have to say, and build a friendship with them. They |
| what causes the burning. If they have to operate | | | | have gone through what you will be going through |
| that is usually done first with about six week or so | | | | and can help in many ways. My God Bless you and |
| to heal before the treatments start. My wife was | | | | your spouse and watch over both of you. |
| lucky in that she did not need chemical therapy. So I | | | | |